Clean Up On Aisle Me Me Me...

The past couple weeks have been a mess.

My Brother. This kid is like a son to me. He wrote me a Mother's Day letter when he was like 12. He's my dude and anyone who feels otherwise can go some place else. Anyways, I feel we are really close to a resolution, but not quite there. I hate to feel positive only to get defeat, but my fingers are crossed. I sent in what he owed, and it sure sucks. Only a few days til an answer I guess.

This woman is seriously the most fabulous, most amazing grandma you could ever wish to have. I adore everything about her. 

My family... for some reason, well for a lot of dumb reasons, has been torn apart. I will always stick to my family. They are the best. I don't need this bullshit, but what has been said has really torn me apart and it has been eating at me. I have been a real mess. And my eating and wine drinking has shown. I feel like it will take a long time for me, and my family, to recover. I feel that if you disagree with someone, what they do, how they do, whatever they do, we're humans. It's what we do. To LOVE someone does not mean you worship every aspect of their life. I am at a loss as to how this all happened, but it is beyond frustrating. To the person that decided to tell us all to F off, I just feel sorry for you, and my kids for losing you in their life. Moving on.

My fitness journey... I have been working on the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, and a few different YouTube videos. One in particular that i've loved is Jillian's Yoga Meltdown level 1. It seriously has me sweating. I love the stretching, I love that i'm not dying for breath and I love the change up. I did a short 15 minute Denise Richards lower body workout the other day and her voice seriously weirded me out. But I was actually sore which I always love. I really feel like I am working, and I am trying. Now if only my body would change? I was thinking my thighs are bigger, maybe i'm gaining muscle, but I need to kick the fat burning up a notch. I feel that as much as I am "failing", i'm learning.

I was reflecting on everything i've changed over the years. Like i've said, i've never been fat I guess, but it's been a long time since i've been thin, or happy, or confident. I was always trying different diet pills and shakes. Four years ago I ate fast food ALL the time. I swear the people at Taco Bell knew my name and my order. I guess I am thankful I don't work now but if I did I would definitely be more prepared. I always ate vending machine crap and fast food. The girls would always ask me if I wanted to order out. "Oh sure!" Ugh. Glad I know better now.

Four years ago I stopped getting a big gulp whatever it is 32 oz soda EVERY morning and stopped smoking. About 2 years ago I stopped adding a shitton of sugar and creamer to my coffee and slowly made the switch to black, I really didn't eat meals or vegetables before, whatever, I didn't care. I have changed all of my bad habits, at least most of them. NowI try to eat as clean as I can (with a family of picky ass eaters and my inability to give up some crap, I fail), we eat as healthy meals as we can, I drink wine, I'm happy. If wine is my failure, well I can think of far more bad things, I have made a lot of changes in my life. I just wish my body progess would show. It's slow but steady, and it'll happen. Like everything else in life.

Change is always for the better.

We hope.

Shred progress and random updates

I've been working on the 30 day shred for 3ish weeks now. I have not done it every day as I had hoped, but 3-4 times a week and a couple walks in there as well. Some days I feel awesome and others not so much. Looking at the starting pictures I took, I sure THINK I see a difference, but I don't want to throw that out there yet. It probably has somethin to do with stress - brother, finances, kids. But I'll keep it up. Level 1 is easy peasy and level 2 is getting easier. I'm not quite ballsy enough to try 3. But ill get there.

Stress is really kicking my ass though. This nonsense with my brother is getting old. It's exhausting waiting days for answers and not getting anywhere. Our justice system is kind of bullshit. I am pro-cop and know that everything is in place for a reason. But in this case, I think it's ridiculous it's been going on. I know it'll get worked out and I need to stop losing sleep over it. That can't possibly be helpful. On to happier stuff.

This past weekend was great. The weather was perfect, almost 80. We spent almost the entire time outside. Saturday we went over to a friends house, I have known this girl since PRESCHOOL, we grew up together in Rock Springs, Wyoming and now somehow live in the same area in Washington. Random! Her sister was also in town from Idaho and all of our kids and so close in age. Their cousin also recently moved to the area and we are getting to know her as well. It was so much fun!

We are working on our garden and are so excited to have some of our own veggies again. We are toying with the idea of getting chickens, but maybe not this year. The kids had a blast finding Easter eggs and spending the day as a family. My daughter had the cutest Easter dress, EVER. My son is growing up too fast which a lot of my friends and family pointed out to me, he's losing his boyish looks. I just love these kids.

                                           

My daughter decided to cut a little of her hair this morning which was actually pretty funny. She doesn't need to know that, of course. Luckily it'll blend in and grow out. I thought letting her cut paper would be a good activity. I know it could be way worse. But still. Parenting fail!

                                                                 

Live, learn, and hide the scissors.


Emily