Thanksgiving Shmanksgiving

This has been the most stressful week I've had in years. Thanksgiving was fine, I spent the majority of the month feeling thankful for everything in my life. It was gonna be a great day cooking and eating and enjoying family time. We had dinner, I threw up from eating too much and the day was over.

Like most people (I think?) we usually decorate for Christmas the day after and this year we aren't. Our potential closing date is December 18th and it'd be ridiculous to bring all the Christmas out of storage (aka Bryan's work) here to the apartment for 3 weeks, just to pack it all up and move it again. As a kid I loved decorating with my family, Christmas music on in the background, decorating the tree. It was like a cheesy Christmas movie playing in my head. So now we carry on the tradition with our kids and not doing it right away is a bummer, but ill get over it. It just doesn't feel like the season though and its had me in a funk.

On Friday we did a little shopping for the kids which we didn't intend on going out on Black Friday, but there were a few things we figured we'd try to pick up, and we succeeded. That afternoon I got some terrible news about my brother. I couldn't sleep and really didn't stop crying for like 3 days. We got some relief from that for now, but it's amazing how much I love that kid as my own. I want to punch him in the face. I'm just mad he didn't ask for help or take care of things sooner, cause this just wouldn't even be an issue. The one super awesome bit of information I did receive over the weekend, was that my super awesome friend and her fiance are expecting a baby! GO Carly!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I get to go to the doctor at 9am and then the DMV!! I AM STOKED! Said no one ever. Maybe it'll be an awesome day? I'm dreading hearing the doctors office weight, so it'll probably suck.

There isn't enough coffee in this pot

For the past 2 months-ish we've been in the process of buying a home. It is exhausting. My husband received a promotion back in April and his company moved our family from Utah to Oregon. We managed to sell our first home, which we only owned for one year, rather quickly and he found the shittiest apartment he could find an apartment for us to move into. Our apartment isn't THAT bad, it's actually probably pretty nice if I wasn't so spoiled with a home. We can literally hear everything our neighbors do, which makes me feel really bad for them. Toilets flushing, washing machines running, talking, everything. So I yell alot, our kids stomp, scream, the dogs bark, and well, I feel bad for them. The only thing that makes up for the rent higher than our mortgage, thin walls, loud toilets and small floor plans is that it is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L around here. Except for being backed up to a major road and not being able to even sleep in the master bedroom (the kids get that room, they feel lucky HA! suckers). We are surrounded by trees, wetlands, walking trails. Ally and I say hi to the ducks everyday (I hate ducks) while walking the dogs and I get to pick up their poop with a baggie (I hate dogs. And poop). We make it work.

So a couple months ago my husband and I were discussing what to do when our lease ends here in December. We really didn't want to move our son again, he's been moved around so much we just feel sorry for the poor kid. But we didn't want to sign another lease in hell and finding another apartment felt like torture. My husband suggested we see if we could get preapproved again which I thought wouldn't be possible, but it was. Our lender who worked with us in Utah was willing to work with us again (the poor sucker) and I am really grateful for that I get to annoy the crap out of him again with my constant questions. Seriously awesome. We found a home up in Washington that i'm not in LOVE with, but seriously we just can't afford a home that i'd be in LOVE with. We love the yard and the home is great and we can raise our family there, the kids are so excited to have their own rooms, a yard (daughters fave part, she wants to buy a yard), hubby and I can garden, sit on the back porch, drink coffee, wine, whatever and not kill each other. SOLD! We offered, back and forth, offer accepted, hallelujah!

Well that was OVER A MONTH AGO and we still have another month til our potential close date. Seriously. We had to negotiate some water contractor thing, and then we chose the most difficult financing possible. Come on, like you have 20% down.  So we wait. At least, if all goes through, we will be in our home by Christmas and I can stop eating spoonfuls of peanut butter with chocolate chips, sometimes I add an apple, it's not all bad. Speaking of peanut butter and chocolate, buying a home is more stressful to me than ANYTHING else and I gain more weight during the couple months of this than any other time. When we started the process and bought our first home, I was at the lowest weight I had been in a long time, then BAM, gain 10 pounds. Move to Oregon, BAM, 10 pounds. This house, I don't know the final outcome, but I turn into a major food whore. I let every other aspect of my life go to hell and I pace and I eat. I don't adjust to change well. I also can't sleep when I'm stressing about getting a phone call or email the next day for an update. So I look like I got punched in both eyes every day.

The bonus, half our stuff is in storage so when we move it'll be the BEST Christmas EVER getting all our stuff back. I know it isn't about things and I am very blessed our family has a roof over our head and I shouldn't complain about all this, but I can and I will.

TGFW! (Thank Goodness For Wine!)

Starting again

So this morning I started thinking about blogging... not that I think that anything in my life is worth blogging about, or that anyone will even read this, hence why I stopped blogging in the first place so long ago. Why on earth would anyone care to read about me? I enjoy reading other motivational blogs, reading other people's success stories and life stories makes me feel not so alone in this world. I particularly enjoy the weight loss blogs. I found one in particular through Pinterest and through her blog I have found other women on Instagram and am amazed by their dedication, sense of humor and true realness. Over the years I have pushed so many people away, lost most of my friends, and kind of fell into this hole. Following these women made me think that maybe if I had an outlet of my own, maybe it would help me along. Not only in health, but happiness. Being a better Mother, wife, friend, and person. So here is my first post, primarily about weight loss... it might be a long one, but it's the beginning, so here it is.

I am fully aware that I am not obese, but I am not happy. I have never felt good about my body. I was never overweight growing up but I didn't have the Victoria Secret model body I always wanted (shocker). I am a chocolate addict. I had my son at a very young age and fortunately I bounced back very quickly (I should have cherished THAT body like I do cake). Fast forward 7 years, working a desk job, getting married, quitting smoking (thank god for that), trying for a year to get pregnant, and I went from 118 pounds to over 150 when we FINALLY got pregnant with my daughter. I know, I know, 150 pounds is NOT a big deal, but it is to me. I felt huge, I felt like my husband wasn't going to love me anymore, I didn't want anyone to look at me. Anyway, after my daughter was born I was about 175 pounds. I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my job and be a stay at home Mom, and I really made some lifestyle changes. I quit soda, I quit vending machine crap, eventually I made the switch to straight black coffee, counting calories. I will never quit wine though. For awhile there I started running with my husband while he was training for the policy academy and I felt uh-maz-ing. Speaking of my husband, that man can eat whatever he wants, drink whatever he wants, and is a damn bean pole. Pisses me off. Anyway a few months after that, he went through the academy, I quit running.

Realistically, my goal is to be below 130. When I made it to about 134 last year I was SO PROUD of myself! I was all "I will NEVER be above 140 EVER again! What a lazy cow I used to be!" Now where am I? 144. Seriously? So, with my lack of motivation, a workout buddy, 2 kids that occupy ALL OF MY TIME (I can't even go to the bathroom by myself), I am on a mission to become healthier. Weight loss will come along with it. I am tired of staring at all the clothes I can't wear anymore, squeezing into my jeans that I could wear a year ago and now I can't dry them because they're too tight. Looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, who in the world is that person? I am so proud of my husband, my kids, the life we have made, But I can be better and I hope that this can be my outlet to write about my body, my beautiful kids, my hot hubby, and everything in between.