Starting again

So this morning I started thinking about blogging... not that I think that anything in my life is worth blogging about, or that anyone will even read this, hence why I stopped blogging in the first place so long ago. Why on earth would anyone care to read about me? I enjoy reading other motivational blogs, reading other people's success stories and life stories makes me feel not so alone in this world. I particularly enjoy the weight loss blogs. I found one in particular through Pinterest and through her blog I have found other women on Instagram and am amazed by their dedication, sense of humor and true realness. Over the years I have pushed so many people away, lost most of my friends, and kind of fell into this hole. Following these women made me think that maybe if I had an outlet of my own, maybe it would help me along. Not only in health, but happiness. Being a better Mother, wife, friend, and person. So here is my first post, primarily about weight loss... it might be a long one, but it's the beginning, so here it is.

I am fully aware that I am not obese, but I am not happy. I have never felt good about my body. I was never overweight growing up but I didn't have the Victoria Secret model body I always wanted (shocker). I am a chocolate addict. I had my son at a very young age and fortunately I bounced back very quickly (I should have cherished THAT body like I do cake). Fast forward 7 years, working a desk job, getting married, quitting smoking (thank god for that), trying for a year to get pregnant, and I went from 118 pounds to over 150 when we FINALLY got pregnant with my daughter. I know, I know, 150 pounds is NOT a big deal, but it is to me. I felt huge, I felt like my husband wasn't going to love me anymore, I didn't want anyone to look at me. Anyway, after my daughter was born I was about 175 pounds. I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my job and be a stay at home Mom, and I really made some lifestyle changes. I quit soda, I quit vending machine crap, eventually I made the switch to straight black coffee, counting calories. I will never quit wine though. For awhile there I started running with my husband while he was training for the policy academy and I felt uh-maz-ing. Speaking of my husband, that man can eat whatever he wants, drink whatever he wants, and is a damn bean pole. Pisses me off. Anyway a few months after that, he went through the academy, I quit running.

Realistically, my goal is to be below 130. When I made it to about 134 last year I was SO PROUD of myself! I was all "I will NEVER be above 140 EVER again! What a lazy cow I used to be!" Now where am I? 144. Seriously? So, with my lack of motivation, a workout buddy, 2 kids that occupy ALL OF MY TIME (I can't even go to the bathroom by myself), I am on a mission to become healthier. Weight loss will come along with it. I am tired of staring at all the clothes I can't wear anymore, squeezing into my jeans that I could wear a year ago and now I can't dry them because they're too tight. Looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, who in the world is that person? I am so proud of my husband, my kids, the life we have made, But I can be better and I hope that this can be my outlet to write about my body, my beautiful kids, my hot hubby, and everything in between.