If I Wanted Things To Move Slow, I'd Buy a Turtle, Not a House

I'm slacking on this thing. I've been too frustrated about our house situation to think about much else. We turned in our 30 day notice to vacate on my birthday and apparently me being cocky and confident about it could possibly be a mistake. And after the Newtown shooting I haven't felt anything positive, or funny. I feel like if there isn't at least a little bit of humor to go with it, it isn't really worth sharing. Every morning when Brayden walks to the bus stop I want to hold his hand and hug him and embarrass the hell out of him. Maybe even blow him kisses as the bus pulls away. But I refrain and let him walk alone. He's 10 and wants to be cool and fit in. I don't like it.

I normally have a weekly cleaning routine and we keep a clean home. So yesterday I cleaned our toilets for the first time in 3 weeks (I'm so ashamed, I know, you don't have to tell me). Seriously, I haven't wanted to do shit but pack and MOVE. Our front room is full of boxes and random stuff we've piled up in preparation for moving day. As if it's happening tomorrow. For the past month I keep telling myself, oh, only one more week and we will be outta here and i'll do the big final clean then. Yeah right. Every day I tell our dog Sierra who is DYING to run like an escaped convict and chase squirrels, just one more week Sierra. I promise.

It's getting ridiculous. Our loan was approved by the bank 4 weeks ago. FOUR!! We are waiting on rural housing and I could scream. I guess it's our own fault for doing this. What government agency makes people wait weeks for something and possibly lose their home and minds. In Utah this wouldn't happen. The last time we did it, it took a week. If they needed something from me and I took 4 weeks, I'd be in the big house. While paying interest.

So, like I said before, we weren't going to decorate for Christmas because we were supposed to be in the house. We threaten the kids with Santa not coming as a bartering tactic for good behavior, I know poor parenting. But these kids seriously only "play" together to piss each other off. Anyway, they look at us like we are morons, its not Christmas? Bryan finally caved and brought home a few bins of decorations and we put out a few things. Ally and I made an awesome paper chain and we all made snow flakes to dress it up. And last night we bought a little live tree, put some lights and lil balls on it and called it Christmas. 

Don't mind the husband in the background, or the mess. Just admire the beautiful snow flakes. The part I really like will be planting the tree in our yard, it's real, it won't die and be tossed to the curb or stuffed back in the box like our artificial tree. It will serve as a great memory of the time we spent in this apartment, to remind me that it can always be worse, to be grateful of each other and what we have. I am truly blessed to have my family and a roof over my head. Next year Bryan is certain we will do a real tree and hang it up side down from the feeling, a family tradition on his Dad's side that in our years together, we have never done. I am really looking forward to it. I am still hopeful we will be moved be the end of the year, otherwise we will be homeless. I'm sure we'll figure out something, I just go for dramatic effect.

Hug your families tight and always tell them you love them.

What's Friends Got To Do WIth It

We have been living in Oregon now for 7 months. And haven't made a single friend. I mean, apartment living hardly makes it possible to make friends, people are always in and out, keeping to themselves. We thought the neighbor guys might be cool to hang out with, BBQ, whatev... the only contact we ended up having with them, was one of them getting wasted, trying to open our door at 3am, puking all over the walkway, and Bryan yelling out to him he had the wrong door. They moved out about a month ago.

We spent a LOT of the summer down at the pool and at the park and apparently I either smell funny, or other Moms just don't make eye contact. All the beauty queen Moms would lay out in the sun, looking perfect while their kids swam and I ended up being the chubby, unfortunate lifeguard. Fortunately for my son, the one kid won't leave us alone now and comes over asking for snacks on a daily basis (he really comes over to play, but he's not afraid to ask for anything). It's not that he isn't taken care of. HIS Mom is THE beauty fitness queen. Said child informed me, his Mom doesn't buy Kool Aid because it's not healthy. I'd like to shove a Twinkie in her face. She's perfectly nice, don't get me wrong. But I can be jealous and talk shit. The hubby and I have met a couple acquaintances, but not a single friend. I've never been good at making friends, like, ever. Even in Utah the few friends we had, we didn't talk to very much. We didn't get together often and I was always jealous of the girls who did stuff together and I never participated or wasn't invited. I love hosting get togethers, dinners, etc. But we just never had those friends that we spent a lot of time with. I just felt awkward. 

So this morning I commented on a bloggers picture on Instagram about hair and a couple girls here in Oregon responded to my comment and it made me realize how starved I am for friend interaction. I just want one good friend I can talk with. We can show up at each others doors like our neighbors did growing up, at any time of the day. No reason, just to say hi, have a cup of tea and crumpets, or wine, whatever. Someone who can go walking with me, be sarcastic with me, b.s. No fake stuff, someone who isn't perfect about raising their kids and makes perfect crafts and perfectly decorated house, though I do LOVE making crafts and would like to decorate more and share parenting stories and advice. But no psycho competition. I just want a REAL FRIEND. When we were kids, if someone was willing to sit next to you at lunch and play at recess, you were BFF's! Maybe we need to make things simpler like the good ol days. It makes me wonder if there are any other women out there like me, or maybe i've just gone crazy. 

I can only hope that when we move, my kids, the hubs and I can make some real long term friends. Mostly my kids, because I loved the friendships I had as a kid and treasure them to this day. I have a best friend in my husband, and it's not that I don't love my him, but there's only so much female lingo 
he can deal with.

A little non pity party related bit of info, I did plank for 2 minutes yesterday and did 55 squats. Take THAT pumpkin poppers!

TGFW!

Happy Birthday Weight Gain to me!

So last Thursday was my birthday. Bryan took the day off to spend with me, which we ended up going in to get our yearly physicals required by our insurance, the DMV so I could get an Oregon license since I lost my Utah license, only to be moving to Washington in a few weeks. Makes sense, right? Along with a trip to Comcast which is like the DMV, to replace our broken cable box (which I think Bryan later realized it wasn't plugged in, but whatev! I didn't say nuthin.) I don't expect much for my birthdays, I love spoiling others, I really don't like the attention, and it was great to get so much accomplished. I made dinner and picked out the pie and wine and Bryan stuck some candles in it. It was super sweet when they sang to me and I am truly blessed to have my family.

Movember is now over, and so is that mustache... Seriously, he wouldn't let me take pictures of him with the mustache, but he wore that damn thing ALL OVER TOWN. What is up with that?? So here's another picture for good measure.

So at our physicals I weighed in at 146 lbs. I get so easily disappointed and have been depressed about this house crap and hating this apartment, financial worries suck and so I give myself pity snacks and pity meals. It's lame. I made these delicious pumpkin poppers last week and ate half of them in two days, seriously, they were DELICIOUS. Seeing that number on the scale and my husbands weight right before mine was serious motivation to get this big ol booty moving. I've been working on the squat and planking challenge this month and I feel really good! Still have a long ways to go, 20 pounds (here's hoping) but you gotta start somewhere! Some selfies, tryin to boost my confidence a lil.

And last but not least, my adorable childen, Bryan and I made our very first salt dough Christmas tree ornaments this week. The Santa is Ally's handprint! I LOVE it! They are far from perfect, but we love them. Can't wait to move, set up our tree and put them up! I'm kinda freaking out, 19 days til Christmas!

Happy almost TGFW!

Thanksgiving Shmanksgiving

This has been the most stressful week I've had in years. Thanksgiving was fine, I spent the majority of the month feeling thankful for everything in my life. It was gonna be a great day cooking and eating and enjoying family time. We had dinner, I threw up from eating too much and the day was over.

Like most people (I think?) we usually decorate for Christmas the day after and this year we aren't. Our potential closing date is December 18th and it'd be ridiculous to bring all the Christmas out of storage (aka Bryan's work) here to the apartment for 3 weeks, just to pack it all up and move it again. As a kid I loved decorating with my family, Christmas music on in the background, decorating the tree. It was like a cheesy Christmas movie playing in my head. So now we carry on the tradition with our kids and not doing it right away is a bummer, but ill get over it. It just doesn't feel like the season though and its had me in a funk.

On Friday we did a little shopping for the kids which we didn't intend on going out on Black Friday, but there were a few things we figured we'd try to pick up, and we succeeded. That afternoon I got some terrible news about my brother. I couldn't sleep and really didn't stop crying for like 3 days. We got some relief from that for now, but it's amazing how much I love that kid as my own. I want to punch him in the face. I'm just mad he didn't ask for help or take care of things sooner, cause this just wouldn't even be an issue. The one super awesome bit of information I did receive over the weekend, was that my super awesome friend and her fiance are expecting a baby! GO Carly!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I get to go to the doctor at 9am and then the DMV!! I AM STOKED! Said no one ever. Maybe it'll be an awesome day? I'm dreading hearing the doctors office weight, so it'll probably suck.

There isn't enough coffee in this pot

For the past 2 months-ish we've been in the process of buying a home. It is exhausting. My husband received a promotion back in April and his company moved our family from Utah to Oregon. We managed to sell our first home, which we only owned for one year, rather quickly and he found the shittiest apartment he could find an apartment for us to move into. Our apartment isn't THAT bad, it's actually probably pretty nice if I wasn't so spoiled with a home. We can literally hear everything our neighbors do, which makes me feel really bad for them. Toilets flushing, washing machines running, talking, everything. So I yell alot, our kids stomp, scream, the dogs bark, and well, I feel bad for them. The only thing that makes up for the rent higher than our mortgage, thin walls, loud toilets and small floor plans is that it is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L around here. Except for being backed up to a major road and not being able to even sleep in the master bedroom (the kids get that room, they feel lucky HA! suckers). We are surrounded by trees, wetlands, walking trails. Ally and I say hi to the ducks everyday (I hate ducks) while walking the dogs and I get to pick up their poop with a baggie (I hate dogs. And poop). We make it work.

So a couple months ago my husband and I were discussing what to do when our lease ends here in December. We really didn't want to move our son again, he's been moved around so much we just feel sorry for the poor kid. But we didn't want to sign another lease in hell and finding another apartment felt like torture. My husband suggested we see if we could get preapproved again which I thought wouldn't be possible, but it was. Our lender who worked with us in Utah was willing to work with us again (the poor sucker) and I am really grateful for that I get to annoy the crap out of him again with my constant questions. Seriously awesome. We found a home up in Washington that i'm not in LOVE with, but seriously we just can't afford a home that i'd be in LOVE with. We love the yard and the home is great and we can raise our family there, the kids are so excited to have their own rooms, a yard (daughters fave part, she wants to buy a yard), hubby and I can garden, sit on the back porch, drink coffee, wine, whatever and not kill each other. SOLD! We offered, back and forth, offer accepted, hallelujah!

Well that was OVER A MONTH AGO and we still have another month til our potential close date. Seriously. We had to negotiate some water contractor thing, and then we chose the most difficult financing possible. Come on, like you have 20% down.  So we wait. At least, if all goes through, we will be in our home by Christmas and I can stop eating spoonfuls of peanut butter with chocolate chips, sometimes I add an apple, it's not all bad. Speaking of peanut butter and chocolate, buying a home is more stressful to me than ANYTHING else and I gain more weight during the couple months of this than any other time. When we started the process and bought our first home, I was at the lowest weight I had been in a long time, then BAM, gain 10 pounds. Move to Oregon, BAM, 10 pounds. This house, I don't know the final outcome, but I turn into a major food whore. I let every other aspect of my life go to hell and I pace and I eat. I don't adjust to change well. I also can't sleep when I'm stressing about getting a phone call or email the next day for an update. So I look like I got punched in both eyes every day.

The bonus, half our stuff is in storage so when we move it'll be the BEST Christmas EVER getting all our stuff back. I know it isn't about things and I am very blessed our family has a roof over our head and I shouldn't complain about all this, but I can and I will.

TGFW! (Thank Goodness For Wine!)

Starting again

So this morning I started thinking about blogging... not that I think that anything in my life is worth blogging about, or that anyone will even read this, hence why I stopped blogging in the first place so long ago. Why on earth would anyone care to read about me? I enjoy reading other motivational blogs, reading other people's success stories and life stories makes me feel not so alone in this world. I particularly enjoy the weight loss blogs. I found one in particular through Pinterest and through her blog I have found other women on Instagram and am amazed by their dedication, sense of humor and true realness. Over the years I have pushed so many people away, lost most of my friends, and kind of fell into this hole. Following these women made me think that maybe if I had an outlet of my own, maybe it would help me along. Not only in health, but happiness. Being a better Mother, wife, friend, and person. So here is my first post, primarily about weight loss... it might be a long one, but it's the beginning, so here it is.

I am fully aware that I am not obese, but I am not happy. I have never felt good about my body. I was never overweight growing up but I didn't have the Victoria Secret model body I always wanted (shocker). I am a chocolate addict. I had my son at a very young age and fortunately I bounced back very quickly (I should have cherished THAT body like I do cake). Fast forward 7 years, working a desk job, getting married, quitting smoking (thank god for that), trying for a year to get pregnant, and I went from 118 pounds to over 150 when we FINALLY got pregnant with my daughter. I know, I know, 150 pounds is NOT a big deal, but it is to me. I felt huge, I felt like my husband wasn't going to love me anymore, I didn't want anyone to look at me. Anyway, after my daughter was born I was about 175 pounds. I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my job and be a stay at home Mom, and I really made some lifestyle changes. I quit soda, I quit vending machine crap, eventually I made the switch to straight black coffee, counting calories. I will never quit wine though. For awhile there I started running with my husband while he was training for the policy academy and I felt uh-maz-ing. Speaking of my husband, that man can eat whatever he wants, drink whatever he wants, and is a damn bean pole. Pisses me off. Anyway a few months after that, he went through the academy, I quit running.

Realistically, my goal is to be below 130. When I made it to about 134 last year I was SO PROUD of myself! I was all "I will NEVER be above 140 EVER again! What a lazy cow I used to be!" Now where am I? 144. Seriously? So, with my lack of motivation, a workout buddy, 2 kids that occupy ALL OF MY TIME (I can't even go to the bathroom by myself), I am on a mission to become healthier. Weight loss will come along with it. I am tired of staring at all the clothes I can't wear anymore, squeezing into my jeans that I could wear a year ago and now I can't dry them because they're too tight. Looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, who in the world is that person? I am so proud of my husband, my kids, the life we have made, But I can be better and I hope that this can be my outlet to write about my body, my beautiful kids, my hot hubby, and everything in between.